The Day The Music Died

had the saddest day yesterday. not one but two, my top very favorite famous people died yesterday. Both of them on the same day. What are the odds of that happening? I never was one much for buying albums or posters but i had both of those items when it came to Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson. I worked at a gift store in Hayward in 1977 right after that famous poster of Farrah's came out. I had to own one. I am not a gay women. I just thought that she was so gorgeous, it exceeded gender boundaries. Her smile, her hair, her expression. Pure joy and innocence and yes sexuality at such a pure level.

Michael Jackson, wearing his famous black sparkly suit, standing up on his tip toes, holding his 'area' with his hat tipped so smartly down over one eye. The night on MTV video awards when he did that famous Moon walk. I had that poster. I loved him. We grew up together. His birthday was one week before mine. I felt that connected us on some weird level. His being born in the same time I was. We were the same age. I grew up listening to his velvet voice, starting out with ABC and moving on to 'One More Chance"...."Got to Be There and 'Ben"...my very favorite because I loved that movie and had a rat named 'Socra-Ben" for both Socrates and Ben from the movie.

My friend and I sat and watched the back to back special programs about both of them. We both were sobbing like two little girls who had lost their best friends. I had just viewed that special "Farrah's Story'...it was so gut wrenching to see her put herself out there for all the world to see her valiant battle against her demon cancer. She let us watch her in her most intimate moments, throwing up, losing that glorious hair, being weak and vulnerable. Who does that? Oh god, when her 24 year old son crawled up on to her bed, wearing his jail jumpsuit and leg irons and laid next to her and whispered 'Mommy" I thought I heard my heart crack right there inside of my chest. She didn't know he was in jail, Ryan had kept it from her. "Why let her know that" he exclaimed. "It would only cause her more pain and we were not going to let that happen"....his love for her was real.


We have always heard about Ryan O'Neal as that bad guy with the hot temper....but Farrah did something to him. She found his softer more gentle side and we rarely got to see that. I find it completely ironic that he found stardom playing the young husband Oliver who loses the love of his life to cancer........how freaking weird that he would experience the real side of that some 40 years later.

As for Michael....I have a strange sense that he is feeling a peace now that has excaped him his entire life. farrah was able to get out of the publics scrutiny for quite some time, but Michael was always out on front street, having those horrible and very false accusations made against him. I never once believed any of those stupid stories. Michael Jackson was so immature in that area of his life...he didn't have a sexual predator bone in his body. When he said it gave him joy to be around children, he meant it in the most genuine and innocent way. When he said, "What better way to share love and space than to share your bed with someone." i knew he meant that at its most innocent level. Kids spend the night with each other, and he was just one big kid. He never 'grew up' in the technical sense of the word. His talent kept him apart from the 'normal' 50 year old, or 40 or 30 or 20..he tried but he never quite convinced me. I knew he struggled with gender and 'the norm'. He did what society expected of a man of his age and sexual identity....he married...I would bet the last few thousand dollars I have in my trust fund that he and Lisa Marie Presely never had sex...and if they did....it was brief, rare and as uncomfortable as it could possibly be.

His genius went beyond gender. He had no sexual proclavity......he was a beam of light, going beyond the normal boundaries of our definitions and limits and barries, titles and catagories. He was a catagory unto himself. He was Michael Jackson and he will always remain a star in my heart and the millions of hearts he touched in his way too short life here on earth.

God Bless you Farrah. God Bless you Michael. I feel better knowing I have you two to look forward to meeting when I leave this realm. I know that both of you are going places beyond your wildest imaginations. The rewards waiting for you both are going to blow your minds. Michael, what couldnt be given back to you down here, for all that was taken...will be given back 10 fold in heaven. God knew you were innocent and he loves you just as you are....and so do I.

Farrah..in heaven your hair is back, golden and as beautiful as ever. You are playing tennis again, riding your horses, doing your sculpture and will be watching over your soul mate down here. I have a very sad feeling he is going to be joining you very soon. Love like the love you two shared isn't limited by the death of one of you....please watch over him and your son. I am going to write your son a letter. I am a recovered heroin addict and I think I have some ideas and words to share with him that just might make a difference. I sure hope so. If I were able to do something like that for you, my one and only female idol aside from Lucille Ball then by God I will try to do it.

Good bye and May God bless you both.



Your Adoring Fan

Susan Martin