Random Thoughts on a Sad Day

I cant escape it. Every channel I turn to has something on it about Michael. Nothing about Farrah. I think that is so sad. She is over shadowed in death just as she was in life. They are showing every filmed performance Michael ever gave and I was surprised to see that there were some I did miss... I literally grew up with Michael Jackson. Every moment of my life has Michael singing in the background. We are the same exact age. He added to the soundtrack of my very existence. They were "discovered" by Diana Ross (or so she claims) and I remember their performance on the "Ed Sullivan Show". Little Michael was wearing this hot pink hat that looked so cool on him. He sang 'Whose Loving You" with such soul and such emotion it was amazing. He was 5 years old singing like an old pro who had endured heartbreak and all the pain that evokes....he gave a little intro to the song saying he had this 'girl' in school, they met during sandbox...he gave her his cookies...she broke his heart and he begins this song with a soulful 'Wheeeeeeennnn I". It was awesome.
I remember watching that show. I remember watching the Beatles when they were on the Ed Sullivan show. I remember watching the Smothes Brothers, Sonny and Cher, Iron Butterfly, Three Dog Night. I didn't see Elvis, that was a bit before my time. They all got their start on Ed's show.

Once Upon a Time there was a little girl named Susan. She had been blessed with more talent than was imaginable. She could sing, she could dance, she could act. All of these talents were right there, for all the world to see...except her two parents. They were so busy fighting with eachother and beating each other up that they didn't notice this amazing little girl God had trusted them to raise. When their day in front of the Creator comes, and they are asked 'What did you do with the child I gave you to raise?" I wonder what they are going to say. Will they hang their heads down and say, "We failed"...would they act like they didnt' know what he was talking about. "Child? What child?"....would they try to make up excuses where they blame me for all their shortcomings? I just really would love to be there to see what transpired in that conversation.

I don't know what caused me to go there. I was writing about Michael Jackson and my childhood memories popped up to haunt me once again. I could have been a performer if I had parental support or encouragment. My parents didn't even know I could sing or dance...I later would find this out when I did perform and they were in the audience. After the show, they would come up to me and tell me, 'I had no idea you could sing/dance/act like that. YOu were phenomenal." When they saw me, it was individually of course, they were divorced so when they did see me, it was always at seperate occasions. They couldn't put aside their petty differences and come together for those few minutes to be there for me. Oh hell no. But at least they came to see me, right?)

I sought peace and joy from Michael Jackson. I could listen to his music and for those few minutes, I could transport myself into his world. A world of dance, color and music. I was turned from a sad, sullen little girl, to a star. I would hold my hair brush, singing into it while looking in the mirror, watching myself do those amazing dance steps Michael did. I could mimic his every move. We didn't have MTV when I was young, so if I saw Michael perform, it was a one shot deal. I would literally dance along with their performance, picking up as much of their routine as I could. Oh those were good days. Good days indeed.