Wanted: Common Sense For My Friend

I am continually amazed at the level of unconsciousness that my dear friend Dawn exists in. She has no idea of her surroundings from day to day. She wakes up, hits the floor running, doesn’t look to the left or to her right or behind her......she just leads with her head until she slams into her next experience. That experience will always be a complete surprise to her and she will have no idea how she got there or how to get out of it other than to scrape, grovel, fumble and beg for help out of it, which she inevitably will get out of it. She will then shake her head, dust herself off and then plow headlong into her next encounter.

I have no choice but to sit back and watch this exhibit of utter foolishness. I have no words to describe how frustrated I have become with her. I try and try to talk to her, to educate her, to encourage and challenge her to be more aware of her surroundings, but those words fall on deaf ears.

Listen, I am not perfect angel, not by any means. I have crawled on my hands and knees to get to where I am today. Barely alive, merely existing, trying to put meaning and purpose to my life and though I have not accomplished much in my 50 years on Mother Earth, I have managed to survive myself and have figured out a way to get out of my way so that I may learn the lessons presented to me by the experiences I encounter on a daily basis. I am one of those fortunate people who are able to learn the lesson given by the ‘mistakes’ and “accidents’ I have. I know there is no such thing as an accident, coincidence or mistake.......all of those words translates to mean ‘lesson’. If those lessons are not learned, it will be offered again wearing a different disguise. But I did eventually get it....finally.

I certainly didn’t learn any of it over night. Nope, it took me 14 treatment centers, 3 stays in jail, 117 jobs, 13 different cities, 9 boyfriends, 3 husbands, countless ‘best friends’ and 2 real parents and 7 ‘steps’ and a plethora of steps, halves and foster brothers and sisters. All of that combined taught me very valuable lessons that I will not forget or repeat......well, ok; I did repeat several mistakes time and time again. I still don’t have a grasp on the job thing. I don't suppose I ever really will although I am willing to do just about anything to be given another chance in the working world.

I am beginning to think that Dawn is my new job. A job I didn’t apply for, didn’t sign up for, I certainly didn’t accept it, well, not verbally but I guess my offering her a place to live speaks otherwise doesn’t it? I have always been around her, following her, begging and beseeching her to change her addicted ways. Now she is clean but just that...take the drugs away from an dingbat and you have a clean and sober...dingbat.I have pleaded with her to stop doing what she is doing so she will stop getting what she is getting but she seems to be impervious to my advice and is testing the very marrow of my countenance; not to mention putting some serious pressure on her peace of mind.

The latest fix she has gotten herself into is having her car towed. Now, for most of us this situation would not have occured because we would have looked up to see the 5 signs stating that any unauthorized vehicles parked in this spot would be towed at the owner’s expense. Well, I really doubt we would have needed to see those signs because they were on the wall of the apartment building next door to my apartment. Yes, she parked in the “Guest” parking space at the apartments next door. Why anyone would park their car in such an idiotic place is beyond me......but remember, we are talking about Dawn.......god love her.
When Dawn saw the word “Guest” painted on the asphalt, in her mind it read “Anyone who needs a place to park”. She didn’t see the big white sign on the wall right in front of the parking space that said, ‘
GUEST PASS REQUIRED OR CAR WILL BE TOWED AT THE OWNERS EXPENSE”.

You might be asking yourself, “Gee, you would think that she’d be safe parking there for just one hour”.....You see, she has used up every single solitary bit of good karma she ever had in her entire life. Dawn has no ‘Get out of jail free’ cards in life anymore. She used them all up. So did I.......that is the reason my life is so uneventful and serene. I don’t temp fate anymore. I don't push my luck because I no longer have any. I used it all up a millions times over.......every overdose I survived, every drug I put in my arm that wasn’t laced with some lethal toxic chemical that should have killed me......every shady, unscrupulous, rotten to the core person I allowed to come into my life/my home/drive my car/borrow my money/use my drugs......that used up all of my good karma. I now just have to rely on making good choices and decisions to make sure I don't get into situations where I am in need of ‘luck’ or ‘good fortune’ to get me out. If I can't pay my way or talk my way out of something, I am just going to have to stay there until something better happens along.

As for Dawn......I don't know what is going to happen to her. Notice I said ‘to her’ and not ‘for her’. Life happens to Dawn, not the other way around. I had a friend who said there are 3 kinds of people. Those who watch things happen...... those who make things happen and those who wonder what happened. My lil friend Dawnee unfortunately falls into that latter category and I think she is going to remain there for the duration of her life. Unless the “Good Sense Fairy” flies in her window and taps her on the head with her ‘Get-a-Clue Wand’......I just don't see her changing categories anytime soon.