On Getting Your Skin Tanned

I just came home from a nice tanning session. I was lying in there and I got to thinking about some stuff. I remembered when I first moved up here from California in 1979. I had endured my first 7 months of solid rain and it was June...I wanted to find out if there were any of those tanning parlors up here that I had heard about when I lived in California. I figured a state with as much rain as this one had, that there just had to be a tanning parlor somewhere. I had heard rumors from my friends before moving up here that Washington had the highest suicide rate of any state in the nation because people got so depressed by the rainy weather. I was beginning to believe them.

I had seen a business downtown with a sign that said "Quil Ceda Tanning". I went to the phone book and found "their number and I called them to find out about their prices. The lady on the phone told me that the price depended on the "Skin size". She went on to tell me that smaller skins started at $40, medium skins began at $75 and large skins were $100 plus depending on the 'square inches' to be tanned. This was sure a strange way to talk about her customers. Was this trade jargon or something? Did all tanning parlor owners call their customers their "Skins"? I had never heard that before but I didn't want to sound stupid so I went along with it. What I did know was that I was Caspar Ghost white in the middle of June and didn't like it so I told her I wanted to book an appointment. I told her I didnt know if I fell into the 'small or medium skin' catagory but she told me not to worry about it, that she could measure "it" when I got there. What the hell was she talking it "It"? Was only a part of me going to be tanned at a time? Did I go in sections? I had no idea. I asked her what times she had available and there was another silence for a few seconds then she said, "We don't really take appointments hon... We are a first come first serve kind of operation so just come on down and we we'll take care of ya."

That's was it, I had reached my limit. I said to her,"What do you mean you don't take appointments? What if I drive all the way down there and you are all filled up? And one more thing, why do you keep calling me a 'skin'?" There was a short pause followed by her cracking up so hard I could hear her run out of breath and then start laughing again. ..she finally said, "Hon, are you looking for a sun tanning parlor?" I said, "Yes, what did you think I was looking for?"....she then informed me that Quil Ceda Tanning was a hide-tanning business that handled animal skins like deer, moose and elk, stuff like that; that they weren't a sun tanning parlor.

Did I feel like crawling into a deep dark hole? Why yes....yes I did. I apologized to her, well... after she stopped laughing. She said it was ok, that she thanked me for breaking her bordom and for giving her something so hilarious to share with her customers. I didn't know how to respond to that so I hung up and didnt' pursue that idea anymore....I just decided maybe it wasn't so bad being pale. If I really wanted to blend in and become a true Washingtonian I needed to look like an albino until the sun came back from it's 7 month hiatus just like everybody else did. About two days later, the sun came out and didn't go away again for a good long time. The people were right. It may rain alot up here, but when that sun finally does makes its yearly appearance, it is so beautiful that you forget how horrible the winter was.